Notice: You are getting information off of the Internet. Think about that for a minute. It’s worth exactly what you paid for it, so take it with a grain of salt. Remember: any moron can write something on the Web. Believe me, I know.
I wrote many of these “Get Outta Bed &: Get A Hammer &: a Nail” articles on various “how-to” topics for the “Tower Bell,” between 1992 and 1999, and then again in 2008 to present for “TM People.” The Tower Bell was, and TM People is an internal house organ for the Trademark side of the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office (aka, “the school newspaper of the USPTO”). While the jokes may be obscure to non-USPTO employees, rest assured they were just as obscure to the intended audience. The articles contain questionable information on home repair topics, as well as photography, homebrewing, gardening, etc. Why is it called “Get Outta Bed & Get a Hammer & Get a Hammer & a Nail”? That’s explained in a footnote to this article. The more recent TM People articles (in the hideous PDF format) are pretty much up-to-date. But many of the older articles from the Tower Bell are gone. If you have an old Tower Bell containing one of my articles that is not included below, please send me a copy; knowing what they were worth, I didn’t save any. Thanks!
Articles in no particular order: